Worst. Art. Ever

I was going to write a note about my return to Speedway – the UK equivalent of Drag Racing but as usual, events, dear boy, events, have overtaken me.

http://www.caplakesting.com/

Daniel Edwards statue of Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug entitled “Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston” is taking up the headlines and rightly so.

As a Middlesbrough season ticket holder I feel uniquely qualified to state that I’ve seen some horrendous shit masquerading as a thing of beauty over the years but this takes the cake, table and the whole WI tent.

The last time I saw an arse that big sticking in the air it was wallowing in the Nile with a crocodile about to take a bite out of it. Her hairstyle looks like she worked in the Slough town centre Wimpy’s in 1968 and as one wag has already pointed out – “this piece is more representative of conception than birth!”

It’s a good job the pictures on the site aren’t 360 degrees because the sight of a tiny-tears head poking out of her mimsy might be too much, even for dedicated fans. (That’s fans of Britney, not Mimsy’s but they don’t have to be mutually exclusive).

I’m not a big fan of Britney or K-Fed meself (who else would marry a man who names himself after an express courier service?) but surely even she deserves a little dignity.

You read that right. The words Dignity and Britney in the same sentence.

I wonder what his encore will be: “Monument to Pro-Choice” – a scale representation of Tracy Barlow performing a handstand while Charlie Stubbs takes aim six inches above the unkempt tee with a 3-wood in front of a horrified Blanche?

Me 

Genesis

"I'm Robert Downey Jnr to your Michael Douglas in 'Wonder Boys' " was how my friend put it.

He's right. That's the problem with people who think they are undiscovered and talented. The clue is in the description. Undiscovered. Life very rarely comes along and knocks on your door and offers you a great opportunity - unless you were actually thinking of getting double glazing or ordering from a brand new Indian restaurant on the estate. In which case you would dismiss it as an incredible coincidence.

In short, it's about time I got off my backside and started doing something with my newly acquired freetime. And that is by entering the blogosphere with my own rambling inputs. I am also aware of the irony of sitting firmly on my backside while I type so don't point it out.

Nobody likes a smart arse. Which is again a flawed assertion because that's exactly what I am.

You are most welcome.